Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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