She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
