When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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