FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
