I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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