I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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