Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
