Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
