I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just googled if crying burns calories
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
