I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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