he wants to bone in the snuggie
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
