she woke up with a sticky ear
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
