if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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