Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
there is glitter all over my balls
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
