i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
