You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i now understand why vodka
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
