shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
did i just pee glitter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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