I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
