I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
