I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
