Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
