i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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