hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
