THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
