you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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