i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i came on her dog
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
