Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
