he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
