Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
