your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
