And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
