its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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