a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
