it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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