There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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