hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
