I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
