Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
