this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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