dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sext me about skeletons
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
