If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
