Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dicks are not precious.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
