You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
