I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
