I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
