i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
