I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
