All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
