she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
