She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
