I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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